the happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give

The title of this post is an Oprah quote. I'm not a fan of Oprah, but I can really get behind that quote. The first time I heard it at the beginning of this year, I wrote it down and put it on my bedroom mirror. I stare at that quote every day and hope for it to shape my day.

Yesterday, I went for dinner with Julia. We went for Mexican (my favourite) and then went for a nice long walk and caught up on life. I haven't seen her since May, so we had lots to catch up on. When my mum picked me up, she said "What's going on with you anyways?" (that is the second time she has said that). I said "What do you mean?" she said "It feels like you're running away from something. You're always out." I said to her "I'm catching up with everyone I didn't get to see during the course of my tiresome relationship, and I'm busy rebuilding friendships". She liked that answer.

It's true. I have apologized to a handful of people saying I'm sorry for not being myself, and being unavailable for important milestones and events. I felt very alone for a very long time. I wasn't getting invited to things, I would normally be the one to make plans. Now it feels like I don't have enough days in my week to accommodate everyone. I love it. I remember a few posts ago I wrote about being excited to be a hermit for the cooler months. As soon as I'm done catching up with everyone, I fully intend to allow myself to have a lazy week.

This week has been difficult. I have had a lot of bumps come my way, and have ranted to several people almost every single day this week. After I woke up this morning, I was faced with yet another bump, I realized how strong I really am. Somewhere over the course of the last few years, I grew a thick layer of skin. I use to be so sensitive (I still am to a certain extent) but I can handle a lot more now. After all my ranting, and complaining, I really thought about what I was upset about. Both things had to do with people that aren't really in my life. Why am I wasting my energy worrying and stressing about two people that don't matter?

Everyone around me could see how strong I am before I could. I'm a take no shit kind of girl. Kayla wrote this amazing post about our walk the other day and it actually made me tear up.

Every time I hang out with Heather I remember why I love her. She is absolutely beautiful & original. She holds her own self and she's strong. She has these cute qualities like the freckle on her lip and that she's so small. I have found out that the small people are always the toughest ones I know. Heather has a protector spirit. She stands up for what she believes and who she loves. I admire that quality in her. ( I also love long detailed conversations about lattes, espresso & cappuccinos)

 Despite it being an awful, weird week, I was able to find a bunch of good. I wrote down all my little memories and tried to shove them in my jar. Full. It's only September and my jar is full!

On December 31st this year, when the clock strikes Midnight, I get to read everything good that happened to me in 2013. I'm unbelievably excited to open this jar! Part of me wants to spend the night alone and read it, but part of me wants to spend it with everyone that I mentioned in that jar. Some things I wrote down are incredibly personal, and some are about people that I don't want anyone else to hear, so if that occurs, I'm not really sure how reading my jar will go over.

Back to the title of this post. Give what you want back. Give for the sake of giving. Send out positivity, happiness and love. Life will be good to you.