the big experiment!

Further to my last post, I wanted to give an update on life lately.

• started a sourdough starter
• made the BEST pasta sauce ever
• read two books
• viewed an apartment / viewing another tonight
• started a top secret instagram account for ME

I realize my entire last post was bashing social media, which wasn't my intention. What I'm trying to get across is how much time I spent on social media (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) wanting praise and validation from whoever based on nothing much. I'm finally getting excited about stuff again. All it took was me reading a mediocre quote, and to give my heart away too quickly and have it broken just as quickly. 

I'm here. I'm okay. I'm living, not existing.

singing the blues and why the smartphone as ruined my life

*wakes up*

*checks texts*

*checks Twitter*

*checks Instagram*

*checks other Twitter account*

*checks Facebook*

*checks Snapchat*

*checks Email*

*checks Twitter again*

*gets out of bed*

I deleted my Facebook, and am currently trying to work up the courage to delete my Twitter and Instagram (in the mean time, they're both just going to sit there collecting dust). I'm not the type of person that allows *inspirational quotes* to define me, or affect me - for the most part I laugh them off. A few days ago a Facebook friend posted this quote that basically said (I don't remember the exact quote) "are you existing, or are you living?". It immediately got under my skin. I am existing. existing. ex.is.ting. I stopped doing things I loved and started spending way too much documenting things that don't matter. Twenty years ago is anyone going to give a fuck that I was funny on Twitter? Are my grandchildren going to care that I perfectly edited a Sunday Selfie on Afterlight and posted to Instagram? They're going to want to hear stories and it scares the shit out of me that I might not have any to tell them. 

For whatever reason, I completely gave up on everything I loved. I don't paint anymore. It's been ages since I've thrifted. I haven't taken any photos with my ACTUAL camera in ages. I don't remember the last time I actually went camping. When was the last time I went on an actual adventure? I use to love going to random local shows. I LOVE blogging. My ability to procrastinate has left me feeling lifeless. I'm alive. I'm breathing. But I am not living.

I'm hoping with me going AWOL on most of my social media will let me realize how much time I actually do have after work. The thought of not making memories is causing me massive anxiety.

overthinking about overthinking

I think one of my biggest flaws is that I over think about every little thing that is occurring in my life. Flash back to my last blog post where I mentioned I met someone that has inspired me to be creative…he’s now in my life, big time. He’s not a boyfriend, but he’s more than a friend. He has a lot going on, and I’m tentative to jump into anything serious after my last relationship. At times I’m quite content with our arrangement. We talk nearly every day and we see each other when possible (which doesn’t seem like nearly as often as I’d like).

Since I’m a serial over-thinker, I’ve been stressing myself out with over thinking how he feels about me, if he thinks about me when we’re not together, if he’s told his friends about me and then I realize what I’m doing and I tell myself to shut up. You know what? I do listen. When I find my mind wandering, I nip it quickly. The best thing about this man is he inspires me to be a more creative person. I use to be one of the most creative people I knew, and now, not so much. Maybe I’m scared to start creating again because I’m afraid of what I’ll make. I have all this pent up creative energy that is just itching to get out, but I don’t know if I remember how to apply it.

I’m happy to report I’m still keeping up with my good things jar! I also very recently (yesterday to be exactly exact) started the #100dayshappy project. Basically, you post a picture of something that is making you happy with that hashtag on your choice of social media platform (instagram, twitter, facebook, tumblr, etc.) and it encourages you to find the good in every day. This, plus my jar is really going to keep my chin up. Other than a few bad days here and there, and waking up at 3:30am worrying about where my life is going, I’d like to think I’m a positive person. In fact, on my two year work review, my boss and admin supervisor both said that I’m an incredibly positive person and they wish more employees were like me. My boss mentioned that my positivity shines through and affects the people surrounding me. I think that’s one of the best compliments I’ve had. I know my positivity is completely possible based on the fact I have been appreciating the little things. It works. Try it! Having a bad day? There is at LEAST one good thing that happened. It doesn’t even need to be anything huge, but something good happens every. single. day. Embrace it.

inspiration when you least expect it

Isn't it funny that sometimes someone comes walking into your life at the most opportune moment with the exact sort of personality that can kick you out of your funk? That happened yesterday. 

I never in a thousand years thought that I would have any sort of appreciation for poetry. I certainly didn't think I could read something a stranger wrote and have it move me to tears. These words opened my eyes to my current mood and that I'm not 

December 2013 was incredibly difficult for me; a combination of the fact Sabine is off on an amazing travel experience and the fact it was my first Christmas / New Years that I was single in 8 years (this is another post entirely). I've been neglecting, and wasting my creativity. I can't remember the last time I picked up a paint brush and that makes me feel really terrible about myself. 

I've fallen in this black pit of social media and seem to waste a good chunk of my valuable time on Twitter. I've had the same "to learn" list for years now, and everything continually gets put on the back burner while I procrastinate and waste my time. I'm deeming February my "hermit" month. I'm going to catch up on movies and documentaries I've been meaning to watch, as well as knock off a few of goals:

• Learn to knit
• Learn to cross stitch
• Attempt minor taxidermy
• Keep a visual journal again
• Read
• Learn guitar
• Write, write, write
• Travel

A thousand thank yous to GN for inspiring me to wake the fuck up and snap out of it.

wut? blogging has to be a regular thing?

I've been awful at updating my blog. I've also been awful for putting things into my "good things" jar. A lot of good has happened, and for whatever reason, I can't stop and jot it down. I think now the only way I can remember what has happened is to go through my Instagram photos.

Here is a little October recap (good and bad):

I know this probably deserves it's own post, but I just can't bring myself to write it.There was a MASSIVE fire in New Westminster. It destroyed several businesses, one of which was my dad's. I had an incredibly emotional week. Actually watching the flames devour the surrounding building, seeing my dad cry, being frustrated that there was literally nothing we could do. Him having to actually GIVE AWAY 80% of his merchandise due to not having the space / having terrible insurance / them wanting to CHARGE HIM to remove his items. I don't want to get into it much more than that as I'm still upset that it happened.

Saw Father John Misty (for the third time) with Sabine. The comedian that opened for him was actually the absolute worst but as per usual, he was godly. His new stuff is fantastic and I'm excited for the album to be released.

Went to Sabine and Andrew's going away party at the Blarney stone. Fell down and twisted my ankle really bad (I still can't move my foot completely). Tested my bad-ass-ness by walking off the fall and dancing up a storm. Got really drunk. Decided I had to leave immediately without saying bye to anyone. Ate a really delicious hot dog alone.

Went to Christy and Chris' birthday at St. Augstine. Had a delicious beer flight. Split the most amazing pulled pork nachos with Jocelyn. Realized I couldn't do back to back drinking / late nights and went home. Oh, to be 25.

The one year anniversary of my Nonna's death was on the 13th, which also happened to be Thanksgiving. My mum, brother & I went to the cemetery to pay our respects. This year I was thankful for numerous things. Having a healthy three person family under my Nonna's and Nonno's roof is a major one.

Went to the pumpkin patch with Sabine and Matt. They both humoured me while I set up a photo shoot. Even though the pumpkin patch is sort of a rip off, and I never carved my pumpkin, I always have so much fun going there. This was the first year in a long time it was actually nice weather.

Got my hair chopped up and dyed it dark again. I'm already almost ready for another chop.

Had a date with Liam. We drank summer beer even though it's basically winter (the Moose sucked at changing their tap, obviously!)

Had a lovely date with Matt at Biercraft. The waitress even gave me an extra glass of beer due to forgetting that I love IPAs when she was selecting my flight. We both ordered the beef brisket mac and cheese. It was amazing. Went to Alibi for brunch the next day and realized they are shitty at caesars, but excellent at beer (which I did not have as it was morning.) The corned beef hash was to die for.

Met the Naked and Famous with Christy! They are SO nice! The lead singer was unable to come for the meet and greet because she had the death cold (that I soon caught shortly after...) Christy said she's going to try to get us tickets to the Imagine Dragons concert in January because TNAF opens for them *fingers crossed*

Sampled 25 pumpkin beers at the pumpkin beer tasting party. I made mummies (which were turkey dogs wrapped in pilsbury dough, baked with mustard eyes. They were a hit!) After drinking all that pumpkin I was officially pumpkin'd out. Matt and I went for brunch The Whip the next morning and I the benny was served with hashbrowns that were half potato, half yam. After the pumpkin beer the night before, I wanted to puke.

Had a kitten date with Liam. He had me over and we rolled around with his 5 kittens and beautiful mama cat. Guys that like cats are basically amazing.

Halloween day I wore my Madeline costume (as I just decided to be a cat the weekend before at the pumpkin beer party). It was super cute, and everyone loved it and I kind of wish I wore it instead of the cat because everyone is a cat, always :/

Halloween night I went out with Trevor. He's someone I went to highschool with who added me to Facebook when I got it again. The last I saw him he was REALLY into metal and had long curly hair. Guess what? He cut his hair, and he likes folk and indie music. Even though I'm fairly certain it was a just friends thing, the fact he continually found ways to touch me, and called me "darling" made me swoon. I probably have a crush. But, shh. He left today (Sunday) for 6 weeks to go weld up North for work. He told me when he's back he wants to hang out. I think he's super rad, and I like that we had that same connection we had in high school, but with better music.

Went to HOPS with Jocelyn. We caught up, drank beer and ate yummy food.

Saturday I started a 7 day cleanse. It's three parts (2 pills to promote healthy liver, one scoop of fibre twice a day, and 2 pills in the evening to promote bowel movement). So far I've been peeing A LOT and I've had on/off headaches. I've been basically eating vegan (for the most part). I've pretty much been eating tons of hummus, lentils, quinoa, and vegetables (specifically brussel sprouts, celery and cucumbers.)

Andrew took me to Stave late to go shooting. Oh, I don't know if I mentioned it, but my brother got his gun license and bought a gun. Do you know how scary guns are? SUPER SCARY. It took me a while to pump myself up and pull the trigger. After I did it the first time, it was kind of fun, if that makes sense?

Had another kitten party with Liam. Do you know how therapeutic it is to have kittens crawl all over you? We also watched 75% of Full Metal Jacket before he mentioned he had a work function to go with. He asked for advice on a tie to wear, and then asked me if I wanted to come. I was wearing a flannel shirt and jeans, so I politely declined. Saturday night I listened to The Maccabees album 10 or so times, had candles lit and just relaxed.

Today, Sunday morning, I met up with Matt for coffee / light breakfast as I'm doing the fast. This was the first brunch Sunday I didn't eat something doused in hollandaise. I had an americano and their house made granola with yogurt and mixed berries. Went for a little walk, both were ready for another coffee so we went into Starbucks. I "treated" myself with a non fat americano misto with a splash of eggnog. I had to go to the Apple store to replace my charger that finally kicked the bucket and Matt and I waited for it to open and heckled people. We had also decided at the pumpkin beer party that we were going to have a winter beer party. We're going to have it on the 14th and combine it with his birthday. I'm making a bacon turkey and we're going to have a gravy fountain. I'm excited to plan.

This afternoon I got my craft on, and watched two terrible chick flicks and kind of felt sorry for myself for a while but then quickly got over it.

Other mentionables:

• I got a really terrible cold
• I went on several other dates, some good, some bad, some great that turned bad (pro tip: if you have a girlfriend, don't go out looking for other girls and then lying about the fact you're in a relationship!)
• I started a dating blog but have been awful at updating (surprise surprise)
• Decided to put dating on the back burner and focus on myself
• Bengal Spice tea is amazing
• I'm really good at friend zoning people
• Matt told me last month he knew what he was getting me for Christmas. He spilled the beans and is making me my own personalized Craft Beer Advent Calendar based on my taste. I freaking love that guy.

Next weekend Matt and I are going to Seattle. I'm at 94 distinct beer check-ins on Untappd and I'm excited to go well over 100 this weekend. Cheers to November.

breakfast for dinner, young blood.

I almost wish I was able to plan parties for a living. I have so much fun dreaming up themes and then watching it come to life. The breakfast for dinner party was SO much fun. I'm pretty sure I'd be a great line cook based on how fast I was able to serve everyone up *pats self on back*. I wish I took more photos of the evening because everyone that showed up (20 ish people) EVERYONE wore their pyjamas! Matt made sriarcha bacon, jerked bacon, candied bacon, regular bacon AND crispy bacon. You know how many pieces of bacon were left over? NONE. $36.00 worth of bacon in a bunch of happy bellies. I had a lot of fun cooking. I drank too much (again). Actually, that's a lie. I pulled a Heather and mixed too much and ended up feeling like garbage.

Kira and I.

Bacon is a gateway drug. 

I'm never frying bacon again. Baked bacon 4 lyfe.

I woke up this morning with a hangover (surprise surprise!). I watched Easy A and then Ferris Bueller's Day Off and just kind of lazed. Around 2:00 I saw that the sun was shining and I just had to get out of the house. I ended up heading into East Van to hang out with Christy because I felt like I needed a hangover caesar. Burgoo had a $5.00 caesar special, so we went there and split the guacamole and hummus. After that we were both full and sleepy so we just walked down Main. I bought a sweet skull shirt from Front & Co. (I honestly don't think you can ever have enough skull patterned clothing). Christy also asked me if I waned to see The Naked and Famous not this weekend but next (I said yes, obviously!). She won tickets WITH meet and greet. They have been on my 'to see' list for a while and what better than getting to see them for FREE AND GET TO MEET THEM TO BOOT.

After Christy and I wandered for a good few hours, we ended up at Lucky's for coffee and doughnuts. I had the pistachio and orange, it was delightful. We talked and watched bearded gentlemen for an hour before I made my way home. I actually need to move to East Van as soon as possible. I feel most at home there, if that even makes sense.

Now I'm listening to The Naked and Famous, thinking about putting my pjs on and making a tea. I hope ya'll had a fantastic weekend <3

My favourite photo I posted this week on IG. Very autumnal.

breakfast for dinner

Tonight is the second night this week that I've had breakfast for dinner. I guess I'm preparing myself for Saturday.

This I'm sure of:

• I'm really good at cooking poached eggs.
• I'm really good at making breakfast.

Can I just mention now how incredibly excited I am for October? There is SO much fun stuff that is going to happen. Now that I have my pyjamas bought for Saturday, I'm officially stoked for the Breakfast for Dinner Party. 

Matt has been buying every available pumpkin beer in BC, and when we go to Seattle in a few weeks he thinks he can have some more. We're having a Great Pumpkin Beer Tasting to go along with Halloween on the 26th. We figured just the two of us consuming all that beer was probably a terrible idea. I'm almost officially done my Halloween costume. I just have to purchase some knee high white socks and I'm basically done. I decided against dying my hair red (I'm digging being a brunette) and got a bobbed red wig. 

This has been a very lazy week. On Sunday I wanted 10 hours of Breaking Bad on Netflix. I've been watching as many episodes as possible before bed, and I'm now pleased to say I'm finally on Season 4. The last episode I watched caused me to get off my bed and hold onto my heart. That show. That FUCKING show. 

This post was pretty pointless. I just wanted to say hello and that I'm still around. So...hi!